


Secret

by KatieWrites



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I'm convinced, M/M, The Buckley secret, the buckley parents suck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:34:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29296725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatieWrites/pseuds/KatieWrites
Summary: He’d been lied to his whole life...Maddie had never thought to tell him about not being his actual sister...his parents were acting like it didn’t matter...like he should just get over it. Buck’s eyes met Chim’s...and his whole body went rigid. “You knew,” he whispered, looking directly at Chim. “You knew and you didn’t tell me?!” He rounded on his sister, “you told him, but not me?!”“Evan, I was trying to protect you-”“No, you don’t get to do that! You don’t get to try and protect me! I’m a grown ass adult, I deserved to know but instead of telling me, you told him and even though I’ve known him longer he still didn’t tell me!” Buck shook his head, backing from the room. “I can’t do this,” he whispered.-OR- Buck finds out the secret Maddie's been keeping from him while his parents are visiting...he is understandably betrayed.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Albert Han, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Howie "Chimney" Han, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley & the Buckley Parents, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Howie "Chimney" Han & Albert Han (9-1-1 TV), Maddie Buckley & the Buckley Parents, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 12
Kudos: 405





	Secret

**Author's Note:**

> So....this happened....  
> I'm trying to get back in the writing spirit an the promo for tonight's episode got me....

[* Here's the promo for tonight's episode that I was talking about *](https://anon911andbuddie.tumblr.com/post/642584939532107776/oh-fuck-im-not-ready-for-tonight)

If Buck could, he’d be anywhere but in this apartment staring at his parents. “It’s just a nickname, Mom.”

“You guys don’t like nicknames? Uh, but Maddie-”

“Is the name on my birth certificate,” Maddie awkwardly laughs as she tries to keep everything together. She didn’t really want her parents to show up baring gifts and inserting themselves into her life again. Not with this secret bearing down on her...she hadn’t gotten around to telling Buck yet.

“Would anyone like a drink,” Albert asked, no doubt already feeling the awkward tension in the room was too much to bear. “Wh, we have many options. I believe I’ll start with the tequila.” 

Buck wanted to second that, but knew it would only get him more ribbing from his parents. “We got this,” Maddie stated, holding out her pinky. 

Buck sucked in a deep breath, “united front,” and he wrapped his pinky around Maddie’s. They would get through this together and then their parents would leave and it could all go back to normal. He wouldn’t be on the verge of an anxiety attack at work, he wouldn’t have to worry about trying to impress his parents. He wouldn’t have to worry about anything slipping out that would make his parents even more disappointed in him. He could make it through this day with Maddie by his side. It would be fine.

Maddie led him over to the couch, hand firmly on his arm as if to both draw and give strength to her brother. Buck took measured breaths, trying to calm down his racing heart. He could make it a couple of hours. It would be fine. They would all be fine. A couple hours and his parents would be out of their lives for at least a few months until the baby was born. He could do this. They all could do this. 

“So you go to therapy,” is what drew him out of his head. Buck’s attention snapped to his father and Buck felt his hands begin to sweat. He rubbed them on his knees and nodded slightly.

“The job can be stressful,” Buck replied. “And really it isn’t completely about the job...I mean, I’m fine right now, nothing is really wrong but I want to be better than fine. I want to focus on me and get a better me. It’s not because I have to go or I need it, but I just thought that I should work on things...like-like how I view myself so that when the baby gets here, I can give her my full attention.”

“And focusing on yourself is what...the baby needs,” Margaret asked. 

Buck opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, “I-I mean...it-it’s just I need to-to work a few things out so that-so that I’m the best uncle I can be...I have to be her favorite Uncle,” Buck awkwardly laughed. “And...wait...how did you know I was in therapy?” Buck’s attention turned to his sister, eyebrows raised.

“Evan-” Maddie started. 

“Maddie was concerned when you mentioned you were going to therapy. She called me to see if you’d said anything to me about it,” Margaret gave a tight smile.

Buck let out a measured breath and gave Maddie a slightly tight smile, “you could have just asked me...I would have told you whatever you wanted to know, Maddie.”

“Like you told me what you were bringing up in therapy,” Maddie asked, just as tense.

“Some things are private. I’m an adult and can take care of myself. If I wanted you to know the details of what I talked about in therapy, I’d tell you.”

“I’m just worried about you. It’s my job to worry about you.”

“I don’t _need you_ to worry. I have everything under control. I told you I just wanted to be better than fine!”

“Evan, there is no reason to talk to your sister in such a manner,” Phillip sighed. 

Buck turned a disbelieving look on his father, “she took private information and told people I didn’t want to know that I was in therapy. That’s a violation of my privacy and I’m not going to put up with it. Like I said, I can take care of myself and that includes this.”

“We’re your parents, Evan. We have a right to know if you’re going to therapy or not.”

Buck scoffed, “right...maybe when I was a minor you would have had the right to know but I am an adult capable of making my own decisions. It’s _my right_ to tell the people _I want to tell_ and have others that I _never_ tell and no one else gets to make that decision but me. It’s a violation of my trust to have someone go behind my back and not even tell me that they told someone else about my time in therapy!” 

“Stop being so dramatic, Evan,” Margaret sighed, “it’s unbecoming. We raised you better than that.”

Before Buck could reply, Albert pushed a glass into Buck’s hands. “I thought you could use a drink. I brought some water for our guests, if you want something else, just let me know and I’ll get it for you.” 

Buck could feel Albert’s nervous energy. He’d gotten better at reading Albert since he started living with him. It was easy to see that Albert wanted to be anywhere but here. Buck took a sip of his drink, barely changing his face as the tequila passed his lips. He should have guessed Albert would have given him alcohol instead of water. The man knew him too well sometimes. “Thank you, Albert. That was very kind of you,” Buck responded. 

The silence stretched on after that. Buck still felt betrayed by Maddie’s violation of his privacy...but he had promised a united front, so he was going to sit here and try to forgive her for it just so they could get through the few hours with their parents...he could address the issue after their parents had left. 

Chim cleared his throat after a couple more minutes of uncomfortable silence, “so, Mr. and Mrs. Buckley, how was your trip here? I hope it all went smoothly.”

“The traffic was horrible once we left the airport. I was certainly glad we booked an earlier flight than we previously thought to. We might have been late had we not,” Phillip responded. 

Unable to hold his tongue, Buck muttered, “oh and we couldn’t have had that.”

“What was that, Evan,” Margaret’s tone soured. 

Buck gave a forced smile, “nothing. I was just giving myself a verbal reminder to set an alarm when I return home.”

“Verbal reminders did you no good as a child, I doubt they do anything now,” Phillip replied. 

A forced laugh made its way out of Buck’s body as he nodded, “right...but I am not the same as I was when I lived under your roof.”

“Clearly,” his mother responded, distaste clear in her tone. 

Buck let it go. He didn’t want to start another argument...he could talk to his therapist about this in his next session. He could get all of his feelings out...it would be fine. He would be fine. 

“From where you came from, I’m surprised you made it this far,” Phillip muttered.

Buck felt as if the breath had been knocked out of his body. “Would anyone like-”

Buck cut Chim off, “what?"

“Evan, it’s-”

“No Maddie, I want to know what he means by ‘where I came from’. What the hell does that mean?” 

“Evan, now is not the time to throw a fit. You said it yourself, you’re an adult now.”

“I’m not throwing a fit, _Mother_! I just want to know what Dad meant when he said ‘where you came from’.”

“Evan, I can tell you about it later. Just let it go,” Maddie pleaded. 

“What do you mean? I would like to know now considering he was insulting me with it!” 

“Your birth mother was a drug addict. I found her in an alley next to the business completely out of it with a crying baby not properly dressed, turning blue on the cement. You were going through withdrawal because your birth mother never stopped using. Considering that was where you came from, I’m surprised at how far you’ve come!”

It was deathly silent in the apartment. Buck’s thoughts were racing. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, shaking his head. “Y-you said that...that I was a late pregnancy birth...you said that I was-I was unplanned, that I took you by surprise and you never...I’m not…” Buck stood quickly, feeling the tremors move through his body. “Th-that’s why you treated me differently! That’s why Maddie always…. _oh fuck_ ….you never wanted- _why the hell did you take me in when you never fucking wanted me in the first place?!_ ”

“Evan, calm down. It’s not that big of a deal.”

Buck stopped, eyes not seeing the room in front of him but seeing things from before he’d moved out and become his own person. “It all makes so much more sense now,” he whispered. “The-the pitying looks from our neighbors, the whispering between the family at holidays...you never wanted me but you wanted the image of the ‘good deed’ of taking in a neglected child! Except...Maddie was the one to care for me, you two couldn’t have given less than a shit about me when there was no one around to impress!” 

Buck’s breathing had sped up by the end of his rant. His whole world was falling apart. He’d been lied to his whole life...Maddie had never thought to tell him about not being his actual sister...his parents were acting like it didn’t matter...like he should just get over it. Buck’s eyes met Chim’s...and his whole body went rigid. “You knew,” he whispered, looking directly at Chim. “You knew and you didn’t tell me?!” He rounded on his sister, “you told him, but not me?!” 

“Evan, I was trying to protect you-”

“No, you don’t get to do that! You don’t get to try and protect me! I’m a grown ass adult, I deserved to know but instead of telling me, you told _him_ and even though I’ve known him longer he still _didn’t tell me_!” Buck shook his head, backing from the room. “I can’t do this,” he whispered. 

“Buck,” Chim called.”

“No, fuck you Howard!”

* * *

Buck was pretty sure he was hyperventilating by the time he opened the door to his apartment. His whole world had been turned upside down and Buck couldn’t handle it. His vision was blurring and he was choking trying to take a full breath. 

Buck doesn’t remember fumbling for his phone or calling Eddie, unable to calm down. He doesn’t remember Eddie telling him that he’d be over as soon as he could...he doesn’t even remember moving away from the door and to the wall beside the door. 

Buck doesn’t know how much time passes. He only knows that his chest is in a constant state of hurting at his inability to take a full breath. He doesn’t remember his phone blowing up with texts and calls from Maddie, Chim, and Albert...he doesn’t remember hearing it ring or beep. He doesn’t even register when the door bursts open and Eddie fumbles down in front of him. 

He does remember Eddie placing a hand on his face. He remembers Eddie forcing one of Buck’s hands onto his chest to try and get Buck to regulate his breathing and calm down. He can see Eddie’s lips move, but between the roaring of blood in his ears and his erratic breathing, he can’t make out Eddie’s voice. 

It’s only when Eddie’s ministrations start to work and he’s using his free hand to wipe away tears that Buck feels like he’s got some control. He can hear Eddie’s soft voice and he can feel where Eddie is pressed up against him. What truly gives him comfort is the feel of the other man’s steady heartbeat. 

Buck knows he’s still shaking, but he feels more calm with Eddie by his side. And for a while, all Eddie does is watch him as if trying to determine if he should bring anything up. He must get his answer because before long, he’s opening his mouth to speak. “Do you want to talk about why you called me in a blind panic and why Albert, Chim, and Maddie have been blowing up both of our phones in panic?” 

Buck can feel the trembling get worse and his breath begin to catch again. Eddie brings Buck closer, laying his head on top of Buck’s. “I’ve been lied to...my whole life,” Buck finally whispered. Eddie said nothing, knowing Buck needed to get it all out on his own terms. “They never treated me like they did Maddie...I was-I was different. I was always different and now it all makes so much more sense.”

Buck wasn’t able to block the sob that ripped from his throat. “M-Maddie was the-the one to take care of me when-when there was no one around to-to impress! They took me in as-as a ch-charity case! They wanted to look good in front of their friends ‘oh the poor baby with a-a junky mother...Phillip and Margaret are so-so generous.’” Buck’s breathing picked up again and he wasn’t able to stop. “And Maddie knew I wasn’t theirs. She kept it from me made me-made me believe that I was biologically theirs! She said that they treated me the-the way they did be-because I was-I was a surprise. They always told me that I was-I was unexpected, that they didn’t want-want me! I was fine with that, it sucked but-but there was nothing I could do about it! But Maddie never told me….but _she told Chim and-and didn’t tell me. She told Chim I was adopted but not me and he-and he didn’t tell me either!_ They were never going to-to tell me Eddie,” his voice broke.

Eddie hugged him impossibly closer, feeling his own tears build up as he listened to Buck break down again. “I’m so sorry...I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve to find out like that. Let it out, I’m here.” He kept muttering nonsense to calm Buck down. He honestly didn’t know how to approach this subject...what do you say to your best friend when they find out a life-altering fact like this? 

Once Buck had calmed down again, Eddie nodded to himself. “Alright, let’s go pack a bag. You’re coming with me. We’re going to go pick up our favorite Little Man and we’re going to spend the day with him. We’re going to get tubs of ice cream and bring those out during the move. We’ll put the Little Man to bed and then you and I are going to move onto beers and real television shows.”

Buck sniffed, “I don’t want-”

“You won’t be a burden, you won’t bring our mood down...we want to spend time with you...and Christopher misses you. We have the same exposure to the virus, I’m not worried about my son catching anything from you...we get tested regularly for a reason.”

Buck was quiet for a moment, biting his lip. “Can we drink beer and keep the tubs of ice cream out after Chris goes to bed?”

“Anything for you,” Eddie whispered.

“Okay...let’s do it then.”


End file.
